I can neither confirm nor deny

I’ve been up for about 40 hours due to a manic episode. I have had to work very hard to not to go on a spending spree.

I still spent a little more than I wanted but fortunately it nearly all was things that I have gone without the past month. Like an oil change for my SUV, ink for my printer so I can print my sermon for tomorrow, food items, etc. I did fall victim to my nemesis eBay but only spent a total of $30 there this time.

This month I must be mindful of my spending habits. I need to be mindful for my recovery. My spending is a symptom of my disease of addiction. Thanks to my meds I have no sex drive to speak of. So I don’t have to worry about hyper sex drive. I still smoke way too much and drink coffee by the gallon. But one addiction at a time.

I see my spending as my number one enemy to my staying clean. I fear that if I cannot curb my spending habits I could fall victim to my other addictions.

As I work my steps of NA I am learning more about myself and my addiction. I already knew quite a bit about my mental illness and how to manage it. This is a new beast that I must now cope with, learn, and arrest.

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