In the Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Dr. Jekyll is researching the origins of evil and unlocks the evil within himself, Mr. Hyde. Dr. Jekyll is mild mannered, gentle, and kind. Mr. Hyde is a murderous, vicious beast of a man who is purely evil. As time progresses Jekyll becomes more and more addicted to the formula that releases Hyde from within him and by the end of the story Dr. Jekyll is no more. All that is left is Mr. Hyde.
I see myself in that story. Inside me is that Hyde. My Bipolar has released in me an evil that I can neither understand nor control. When my Mr. Hyde has been loosed he has done great evil leaving me with no memory of what I had said or done. I am the one who suffers the aftermath of his rampages. Hyde has cost me my wife and eldest child forever. Two of my great loves. He now threatens to destroy what little family that I have left.
In the end, Jekyll loses out to Hyde because he cannot control his addictions. I fear that I am doomed to the same fate no matter what I do. I am only now learning from my ex the extent of harm that I inflicted on her and our daughter. She has told me the things that I have said and done and it chills my blood. I am so ashamed to know that I am capable of such things.
While Dr. Jekyll realized too late the destructive force of Mr. Hyde, I hope that I can somehow learn to contain my own Mr. Hyde before I end up in jail, a mental institution, or the grave.