I know that it has been a while since I written in this blog. Again, welcome to the world of mental illness. With the loss of interest in things, projects likes this fall by the wayside. I have to figure out what this blog is going to be. My ex has made it very clear that she doesn’t want our dirty laundry aired out. But at the same time I need such a place where I can be open and honest about my life.
Recently her second Facebook profile found me. I say that it found me in that it popped up on “friends that you may know” part of my Facebook page. I think that she recently set it up and why she feels that she has to have a secret profile, I don’t know. I’m a writer. I can come up with a dozen ideas why. I found out a bit more of her life that I wanted to know. Like who she is dating, and the places they go to.There are only landscape pics of the places they go to. Thank, God. I purposefully have kept out of her life for the last four and a half years.
But I literally don’t want to know what my ex is up to. I don’t want to know who she is dating, or that she is even dating at all. I don’t want to know any of it. It hurts enough as it is bearing what I do know. I don’t want to handle any more than that.
So, now I know. Or do I? I’ve only caught a glimpse of her world and only the parts that she want’s the public to see. What I am trying to do is actually be happy for her. She is living her life and apparently has a good man. There is no doubt in my mind that she will never come back to me. We are lucky to have the relationship that we have now. I know that I can make it even better if I would only let go of my own hurts and pains.
That’s where I fucked up.